A Cry For Forgivness
by infiniteworld8
Summary: Winona is on a deep-space mission when the unexpected news of Tarsus IV comes. Pikes tells her how bad off Jim is but can she bring herself to go to him when it means probably saying goodbye?


"You've got a message Ms. Kirk."

Winona Kirk looked up from the data Padd she was reading and suppressed a flash of irritation. "From who?"

"An officer on the _Yorktown…_It's a priority message."

It was past her shift and her irritation rose as she stared at the ensign still lingering in her cabin doorway. The project she was working on was close to being finished and without repeated distractions would be nearly done. Then they would be able to rescue the stranded ore ship workers. She had given explicit instructions not to be disturbed.

"I'm off duty for the next three shifts ensign. Unless this message is for me personally—which I doubt then—"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but it is for you—personally that is."

Winona Kirk stared at the young ensign for a few moments longer, briefly wondering who could be contacting her. It wasn't Frank; they never were that close, when she was off planet they hardly ever spoke unless he was calling to tell her something Jim had gotten into and since Jim was away that wasn't a problem. Her next thought was of Sam, but she hadn't spoken to her oldest son in over a year now and he certainly hadn't seemed like he wanted to contact her ever again when they last spoke. There were no other fleet members she was friendly enough who could be calling her for a social call. And Jim her youngest, was away with his Aunt and Uncle on Tarsus IV. The entire planet had been caught in its usual atmospheric disturbance which made travel off-planet and communication almost impossible.

Even if an atmospheric disturbance hadn't made communication not an option, the last time she has spoken with her youngest son, the hatred in his voice had been more than evident. His eyes had bored into her daring her to tell him what she knew he wanted to hear, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. The words just weren't there, she didn't want him back….she wanted him far away, like a bad memory. It made everything a little easier. There was no laughter to remind her. No quick smile or a face that was nearly a mirror of another one from years ago. It was easier to think of George as it he had been, vibrant, alive. It was all so much easier when the reminder of his death—her own son, Jim Kirk—was around.

"Ma'am? The message do you want me to relay it?"

"Was it priority?"

"Yes, Ma'am…It was about your son…the message subject says they found him."

A scowl darkened Winona's features, her own buried worry angered her and she snapped. "He was never missing!"

"Well, uh—"

"Just send it in."

Winona turned back to her Data Padd as the ensign backed out of the room. She knew everybody on the ship was startled by what they considered her apparent lack of concern. There were other people with family on Tarsus and after the usual atmospheric anomaly had lasted a lot longer than usual people had been demanding for ships to be sent. Even when some of the colonists had sent out communiqué's, rumors had still abounded.

It didn't help that somebody on the colony had sent a prank message, stating that colonists were being killed and some held hostage. Although the message was found to be false and at least a few hundred messages had stated that nothing was wrong, the media was having a field day. There were people demanding that a ship be issued to Tarsus IV to check out the colony. Never mind that the graviton fields and gravity mines still were crazy with activity, worry apparently won out over logic.

It was infuriating when people asked her how was her son and had she received a message from him. She wasn't worried that she hadn't spoken with him, because she knew he didn't want to talk with her. And his aunt and uncle knew enough not to contact her when she was in deep-space. She wasn't worried that she hadn't seen him. She had gone longer without seeing him directly.

A _blip_ announced that the message had arrived. Winona opened the communiqué and began to read.

_USS Yorktown NCC-1704_

_Christopher Pike_

_Win, I know we haven't spoken in years. Maybe you don't even remember me._

Winona felt her blood chill, how could she forget. She remembered him sitting in her living room and the promise he had told her George had asked him to keep. The tears still were remembered as they had fell hot and fast and she had screamed at him, that she didn't want him to keep a promise, she didn't want him to do anything but to have taken her husband—Her George's—his friend's place. Her blows had peppered him, bruising his face, and her tears had drenched him until finally she had just begged him to leave. And thankfully he had…left her alone with her memories.

_It's about Jim—_

Winona couldn't help giving a sarcastic snort. It was just like Jim, he couldn't stay out of trouble, and now apparently he had managed to get Starfleet involved to.

_The situation on Tarsus was a lot worse than we thought. I'm not even supposed to be telling you this but this is critical. Thousands of people are dead—_

A gasp caught in her throat as she imagined her son lying dead on some alien planet. George was dead, and so was the only piece of him that she had left—her body stiffened with the thought.

_Jim isn't, thank god, But he's bad off. A man called Kodos took over the colony; he starved and killed those he didn't want after a plague made the food short. He apparently stopped anybody for calling for help and those messages we received were either faked or from his supporters._

The cold had settled into her bones now. The months of never receiving a message, the silence seemed obvious now. Why hadn't she tried to check on him? Why hadn't she cared that she hadn't spoken to her own son in months?

Did she really hate him that much?

The answer to her question wasn't something she could bring herself to answer so she turned back to Pike's letter like it was a death sentence she was being forced to read.

_Jim managed to survive, but just barely. We found him in one of Kodos cells. He was being held for interrogation. He's hanging in, but the doctors say it's not for sure how long he can hang in. Honestly Win, I think I got to him too late. He's been unconscious for days now, the news of Tarsus hasn't been officially released but I couldn't wait until then…Jim probably won't have that long. _

_I'll send coordinates._

_You need to come see him…Maybe he'll get better or at least you'll be with him to say goodbye._

Winona glanced up, her eyes were blurred but not with tears. She was remembering the last shuttle ride away from the Kelvin. It was all wrapped up in pain, and blurred by time, but the conversation was still clear. _They had never said goodbye...never had wanted to._

_ It wasn't real if you didn't say it._

"I'm sorry George."

Her eyes burned as she whispered the words over and over. She didn't want to admit what she was apologizing for. Part of it was for never having said those final words…and that if she couldn't tell George goodbye than she couldn't bring herself to say the words to anybody else.

Jim was in good hands she assured herself. There was nothing she could do to change the outcome, whatever it was going to be. Her presence would change nothing…_Except he wouldn't be alone._

She bit her lip, blinking tears from her eyes at the inner voice. She wouldn't listen. _George had been alone when he died….His son would have to be also. _

She couldn't take another goodbye…she couldn't watch the last fragments of her love slip away from her…

Tears fell, gracing her cheeks in hot rivulets. Her finger shook as she deleted the message.

I'm sorry." The words fell from her lips like a whispered prayer.

Tears dripped down as she whispered them again…

She thought of George, and hoped he would understand…She wasn't strong enough to say goodbye.

"I'm sorry George."

The words were a cry for forgiveness.

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed, this was just a little one-shot of how I imagined Winona finding out about her son being on Tarsus. I hope you all don't hate her now..._

_And to the reviewer who noticed the ship mixup-I fixed and sorry for that bit of confusion._

_Also if you're reading my other story AE Of WOR then it will be a bit, but I'm still working on it and I've learned my lesson: Never post until the story is completed or you let people down._


End file.
